Stop Talking and LISTEN

I’m definitely an introvert. Most of the time I’m happiest relaxing at home with my wife and our two furry children, Joben and Jax. You won’t find me at the bar every weekend or attending dinner parties. And speaking of parties, I am not the “life of the party.” Never have been and probably never will be…and I’m ok with that.

As an introvert, I’ve naturally become a good listener. I may not like to speak much, but I love to play the role of listener. I don’t know if this is the case for all introverts, but I feel it applies to me. Over the years, I’ve developed an interest in observing (ok, I guess you can say eavesdropping) on other people’s conversations.

Sometimes, sure, it’s because I’m nosey and trying to get  the scoop. But other times, I pay attention to the dynamics and structure of conversations.

And in most mundane, social interactions, I’ve noticed one common theme I like to call “The Pendulum Effect”.

Person A: “I just tried this new chicken piccata recipe last night for dinner…..it was sooo good!”

Person B: “Cool….I ordered out for pizza last night. I was too exhausted to cook after picking the kids up from practice.”

Person A: “Yeah, I was surprised how easy the recipe was to follow….really didn’t take too long.”

Person B: “Honestly, I’m not a big fan of Luigi’s pizza, but the kids love it, so we always go there.”

Person A: “Tom loved the recipe too, I’ll definitely be making it again soon.”

Person B: “Just once, I wish we could try pizza from somewhere else…”

Sound familiar? Notice how each participant brings the conversation back to them when it’s their turn to speak again. You essentially have two people taking turns talking about themselves while ignoring what the other person is saying.

For meaningless social pleasantries, this doesn’t matter….and let’s be honest, who really gives a damn? If two people are happy engaging in a conversation this way, who am I to say they shouldn’t?

But in the business world, this can cost you customers and clients.

It’s true. In business, it’s ALL about our customer. Their needs, their desires, their problems, their passions. If you let yourself get caught up in the pendulum mindset, you’ll lose sales. Your voice and messaging won’t convey the sincerity and sense of caring your audience craves.

And to be clear, this does NOT just apply to face to face conversations or over the phone. This applies online too. I’m sure you’ve observed the “pendulum effect” in action on social media, where an abundance of online business is conducted.

Here are 3 simple tips for avoiding the deadly pendulum and engaging in customer-centric conversations:

1. Stop Talking so much

   This includes thinking about what you want to say next. Remember, the conversation should center around your potential customer or client. For this to happen, they need to do most of the talking.

2. Relax and Listen Intently

   Allow yourself to relax by not having to memorize a “script” for the conversation. This can apply to sales and non-sales conversations. Yes, it’s ok to have a general structure to follow (especially for a sales convo), but don’t force yourself into reciting the same lines like a robot….regardless of the responses you receive from the person on the other end. Instead, focus on listening to what the other person is actually saying, and respond accordingly.

3. Ask Follow-Up Questions

   Asking follow-up questions is the best way to keep the interaction focused on the other person. Avoid close ended questions and ask open ended questions to keep the dialogue flowing smoothly. An example of a close ended question would be: “Are you trying to get customers with your website?” This allows for a simple yes or no answer, halting the conversation. Instead, ask this question in an open ended way, something like “How are you trying to get customers from your website?” Or “What are you doing to get customers from your website?”

Obviously we need to talk about ourselves and our businesses at some point, just remember to keep it to a minimum, and only when necessary. I’ll leave you with this wise quote from Mark Twain:

If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.