Category Archives for "copywriting"

January 21, 2021

Stop Ruining “John’s” Nightmare! Avoid this Conversion-Killing Mistake in Your Nightmare Stories (VSLs and Sales Letters)

If you’re familiar with any of the top sales letters or VSLs in the health market on platforms like ClickBank, you’ll notice most of these offers feature a “nightmare” story. This usually unfolds in the lead of the VSL to hook people into the message. And poor “John”, he’s almost died, he’s almost lost it all in probably a thousand different times now.

There’s a reason why you see nightmare stories used all the time in sales copy and that’s because they do work well. They grab attention, they get the prospect immediately into a very emotional state and they convert really well. If, and this is a BIG IF, they’re executed correctly. There are plenty of wrong ways to use a nightmare story in your sales copy. Today, I want to focus on one mistake in particular that can make you ‘miss the mark’ on a nightmare story and lead to poor conversion rates.

Client Example: Setting the Stage

I’m going to talk about an example that I encountered recently when working with the client. I’m going to describe to you the type of nightmare story they used in the lead to open the sales letter. And as I’m doing that, I want you to think to yourself why this missed the mark and is just not converting well at all. First, let me give you a brief profile on the audience, and then I’ll start talking about the story.

This is for a hearing loss supplement. The profile is men and women, 60 years of age and older, who are struggling with hearing loss. They’ve had hearing loss for quite a while, usually at least a few months, but in many cases a year or more. The point here is they have been suffering from hearing loss for a long time. They’ve tried different conventional treatments like hearing aids and maybe they did receive some benefit or temporary relief, but there’re still not hearing as well as they’d like. So they’re really looking for any type of alternative therapy that might give them even a little more of their hearing back. That’s kind of the general audience here.

Not all Nightmare Stories are Created Equal

Let’s start talking about the nightmare story that was used in my client’s old sales letter. This was told from the first person angle, and it focuses on the main character, the narrator of the sales letter, when he was sitting in the doctor’s office and the doctor is dropping the bomb. He’s delivering the news that this guy has severe hearing loss in both ears, he’s going to be deaf before he knows it and probably never able to hear anything again.

And so poor “John”, is in such a state of shock and devastation. His wife’s there, she starts crying and all these awful thoughts and images are running through his mind. How he’ll never be able to hear his wife’s voice again (not always a bad thing), he won’t be able to hear the laughter of his kids or his grandkids, and so on. Just all these awful things.

To the copywriter’s credit, he did a pretty good job of conveying all the negative emotions and feelings flooding through this guy in the moment. So from a copy standpoint, the copy itself wasn’t bad at all. That wasn’t the problem. Anyway, that’s the gist of the story used to open the sales letter. If you already think you know the problem, leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts or your interpretation of this as well.

Know Your Prospect’s #1 Pain Point and WHERE She is in Her Journey

In my opinion, the reason why this fell flat and missed the mark is because this nightmare story focused on the very beginning of their hearing loss journey when they first got the bad news.

But where are these people now, our target customers, where are they now in their journey?

They’re not at the beginning, they’ve moved way past that. They know they have hearing loss, they’ve probably accepted it for the most part. They just want it better, they’re looking for any possible way to improve it.

Your Takeaway:

The best and most effective nightmare stories tend to focus on and capture the number one pain point the prospect is experiencing right now on a daily basis, that’s top of mind.

Not something they went through in the past possibly years ago, but the number one thorn in their side pain point they’re suffering with right now. Top of mind, that’s the key. That’s where this copywriter went wrong and why that nightmare story missed the mark.

Fear is a Good Backup

Now, if for whatever reason, you can’t craft a story around the number one top of mind pain point they’re dealing with right now on a daily basis, the next best option is to focus on the number one fear they have. Something they’re absolutely terrified of happening if they don’t fix their problem. That’s how you craft nightmare stories that really hit, really connect on a deep, emotional level and ultimately convert well.

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